Have I ever told anyone how much Aishah the lil kiddo loves me?
Yeah she does to the extent of wailing like a bloody psycho when she had to leave my house coz all she really really really wanted to do was to colour colour with me (my heart melting here.). Aww man I love such silly kiddos :)

Had a tiring day coz went visiting non-stop frm 10am to 7pm. Then the kiddos came over til 10pm. So it was like a non-stop charade of fake smiles and plasticky conversations.

Just realized after 19 years that Daddy came from a rich family. Non of his aunties and uncles stay in a HDB flat. All of them stay in terraces. Please don't count my aunties and uncles in coz Dad's siblings are goners. Us too actually. Har har. But the elderlys are like whoa. Rich rich bling blingsall over man.
-insert jaw dropping noises here-
Anyhoos, apparently Dad's kissed and made-up with them old people so yea. Met them for the first time in my entire life and boy oh boy were they nice (so was the money. Ha.).

Time to sleep. And not care about anything else but my boyfriend and how I'm going to help him hide his helmet on Thursday. Nights.

The party was good. I'm stuffed. I got some new numbers. Heh.

Went over to Audrey's place to chill since it's just next door to my Aunt's. Was nice... shall update photos soon. So sad that Audrey and I only get close now and not back then. She's one helluva cute happy dyke.

-eat your hearts out suckers. Ha-

*

Bought bro a belt yesterday that costed me 20 buckeroos and Mom was telling him how much I love him and that he should treat me nicer. And you know what's his response?

"But Sis is so weird. Like her head something wrong. Sometimes she talks to herself, sometimes she cries for no reason. Then she's always sulky and moody. She thinks being emo at home is fun or what... go out then be emo lar. I also get abit scared to talk to her or tease her what... But who says I don't love her. I also love her what. Only that she buys me presents, I practise my Muay Thai kicks and punches on her. Yar... why cannot ah?"

What a loving brother I have ;)

By the way I just found out from my brother, Trent and Des on how scary I can be when I'm pissed/upset. Trent even said I look like somebody's mother when I'm mad. Eh? I didn't even know I am that temperamental... hmm... time for a change perhaps?

*

Look at all my answers. What a bloody liar of a quiz. Ha.

Rahmah was a Clever Butler in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Luxie was a Well'Known Psychic in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

lux was a Creative Priest in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Thank you Dessy for lending me your camera!


Your Imaginary Friend is Janet, the Dancing Hippo.
Exotic, dazzling and wild in that thong dancing
kind of way, Janet is always looking out for
opportunities to strut her stuff in the
limelight. Janet will screw your head, apply
extra make-up on your lips, and generally make
you unpredictable in that wacky, confident way.
Janet may also make you say things like 'You
know you want me'. Trust me, you will oscillate
between liking her and hating her.


Who is your Imaginary Friend?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Why do I always get the same results as Trent?? Grrr...)

If I say today's amazing, it'd be the understatement of the century.

By the way I'm the official Cookie Distributor and if you want to have a sampling, please drop me a line.

Lit paper sucked to the core though. Dammit there goes my A.
-watches an A with wings flying away wistfully-

Took lotsa photos in the cab with Kenji... shall update the HongKong stars' photos soon. haha

Saw Hashim at CCK and he's so cute! Haha! Blink blink his eyes... like small boy. haaaa

Met Trent and had a 2 hour lunch at BK Liat and took tonnes of photos too. Shall update when Dessy remembers to pass me the port... grrr. Grins. She loves my cookies though.

Walked around town.. got Rashid's Quiksilver belt... Kejin's RipCurlGurl thingy... Mom's pretzels... softpack Virginia Slims... ate ate ate and ate. Walked walked walked and walked. Laughed alot and saw many many people in town that I wish I hadn't seen.

Went to City Hall to chill at Cafe Cartell while waiting for the rest. Scorpion came in a huff and she scared the shite outta me coz she sure is a scary chick when she's angry man! She loves my cookies too. Yay!

Met Dyn My Precious to pass the cookies and well, what can I say. He loves my cookies too. haha!

Saw Xueli at the Mrt and she's looking good! Wooweet babe!

Come to think of it everyone loves my cokies except for Andrew coz he's mean like that and Flo, coz of I don't know what. haha!

Then took a cab home and was zonked out in the cab. Exhausted man. Great day, great company. Wish everyday would be like today. Plus more stamina of course coz by 4pm I was already cranky; thanks to the crowd and my aching feet.

Remember I'm the official Cookie Distributor and I shall update the 30 photos that we took today soon. Wheeeee

There's a tight knot at the back of my head. If only you have an idea of what I'm going through right now, I'm sure you'd try to diminish your existence. I'm in so much misery that the tears wouldn't stop flowing. When I was by the window a moment ago, I wished that I could've just tripped and fall head first thus breaking my neck with brains splattered all over their precious granite flooring because honey, there's only so much I can take. I spend every night crying because of you. I listen to their screams and fights and I can only blame you for it. I will not hesitate to cry as long as there're enough fluids in my body to produce tears.

You; my dear Satan, will eternally make my life as desolate as you can and I will never even bother to create warfare.

Is it just me or do we all really feel that there's no Hari Raya mood whatsoever this year? I don't know. Even if you strip off my glam clothes, shoes, handbag and hairstyle, I'd feel like today's just another day, only that I get money from people. Even if they are people I hate.

Maybe because Grampas' passed-away.
Maybe because the economy's bad and it's affecting me.
Maybe because my exams lurk around in my mind day and night.
Maybe because I know that I don't understand the real meaning of Hari Raya, besides the monetary gains.

Maybe maybe maybe.

But why did the past 18 years feel so good while this year doesn't? Why was I so excited about the tailored clothes and the sparkly shoes and the green packets? But this year my attitude was, f*** lah, as long as I have something decent to wear and as long as I look presentable, it's fine by me. Like, I didn't care. Shopping for my clothes was even a chore. C'mon now people, you know how I love shopping. Especially for glam clothes... but Mom had to drag me to get my clothes... and I actually re-used my old handbags and shoes. I usually insist on getting new ones because I love to shop and I love buying pretty things. But no no no this year is so different. Even getting money wasn't so much fun. Maybe because the money doesn't amount to much. But I've passed that age to get excited by green packets... No atmosphere at all. I hope these sentiments don't come with age... or else I'll be as bland as a wall by the time I hit 21. Ha.

Dessy thinks I'm more like a Cheryl-ish person, not a Rahmah-ish person. Cheryl... hmm... I like that name. But it makes me think why he said that. Coz he has many friends by the name of Cheryl, and if I, his gurlfriend, reminds him of a gurl named Cheryl-ish raher than Rahmah-ish, then I feel I should be feeling rather suspicious here since he's surrounded by chicks called Cheryl. But maybe I'm thinking too deep into it. Ha. Paranoia paranoia paranoia beating into my skull. Go go go!

Conversation with an ex--->

Me : How come now you like all the sexily dressed gurls who smoke etc etc etc but when I was with you I couldn't do any of those?
Ex : Coz those chicks make it look good.
Me : No gurl can make vices look good dude.

Wow I am so proud of that line because it made me realize what a hypocrite I am. Hooray for reigning hypocrisy rising in my blood. Who am I to say that when I myself indulge in vices on a daily basis? Tsk tsk tsk...

Met Dessy and boy oh boy was he in a lovely mood. Ha. Love the mood hon ;) He was acting all cute and silly and we did stupid things at the supermarket and Watsons. Shall update photos when he remembers to give me the USB port. Grrrr.

Selamat Hari Raya to all :)

You're a punk unicorn. What can I say? You smoke to
much and you're sarcastic, and I don't
appreciate being called a jerk. Hmmph. But I
made a cute little picture for you, out of the
goodness of my heart.


What Kind of Unicorn are YOU? (no, really..its cool- with graphics!)
brought to you by Quizilla


Ran errands the entire morning. Been baking. Exhausted.

Been crying to sleep the entire week, since Monday. Trent was the unlucky fool who had to bear with my incessant sobs the entire week (sorry honey). Dessy was the victim of yesterday night's drama coz well, I guess he deserves to be able to taste a part of my nocturnal activities; the ones that doesn't include smiles and laughter.

I guess I'm ready to turn to him for consolations from now on.

*

I don't know how to explain it man. So much has been happening... so many unhappy things. So many things that made me miserable for a week. But it's still not over. It's getting worse.

I hope I'll survive this mental and emotional torture.

I can't believe I saw what I saw on that goddamn diskette. I am so upset I can't stop crying.

You just made me feel worthless and ugly.

Thank you.

*

Went over to Dessy's to chill for a while then had dinner. The nice fella drove me to JE to meet Sheha and then we headed to my place to chill. Was a good chillin' day, minus what happened at night.

*

How can I stay mad at you for long. You know how much you mean to me... I guess don't repeat the same mistake again coz next time round I might just want to end things there and then.

*

And you. You make my heart go aflutter and you know you have a hold over me. But don't we all know that the forbidden fruit's always been the main attraction? But the minute you get a bite of it, it will lose the enigma that you once craved so badly.

Don't we all know that?

Daddy took away the cable.

Been 3 days, free of net.

Update courtesy of Trent.

p.s. Don't flood my e-mail box with crap thank you.

A Song to Me

I feel just like a local God when I'm with the boys,
We do what we want.
But it was a scream last night.
For I'm more fucked than a box of guns.
See, I'll even give you the stars from the bruised evening sky.

You look so stupid, happy and numb.
And it's so sad that you love her like the stars above.
You know that you're a pretty piece of flesh
While stars stars collide, world's divide for you.
You must've wanted the world to know.
You poor lil thing.
Now they know.

*

I want to float like a feather in a beautiful world.

*
Sometimes I just feel like tearing myself up.

I do the fucking chores, everything. I clean, I cook, I dry, I fold, I wash, I dust, I wipe, I buy, I send, I fetch, I take care of all of you. But what do I get in return? No I didn't ask for any special treatment, I don't want thanks either because I'll spit it back on your faces.

But I do want some respect and privacy. I crave for a normal life, a normal day without your incessant naggings.

I love my dysfunctional family but sometimes when 3 out of 4 members are on painkillers and when the others' form of painkillers is non-stop fagging, you know there's something seriously wrong here.

And I just realized all the boys don't know what obnoxious means. It means nasty darls. Unpleasant. Not nice. Kapish?

Today's really fun man. Jeez... hadn't laughed so much in like, weeks!! haaa

Met Sheha and Trent in the morning to study, and like, it's so so funny!!! Heard Trent's childhood stories and boy oh boy she's full of shite man, literally. bwarhahaha

Then Yati came and that cute gurly was like, 3.5 hours late man. hahaha! So we had a go at teasing Trent again, and she got damn pissed, which was a good laugh really. IF that made sense -grins-

Sat at the Marina steps to bum around with Yati and her really cute friend, Faizal. Apparently I was extra mean to Yati today, well sorry dearie, I really didn't mean it.. hope you ain't offended -grins-

Dessy came to fetch me and we took lotsa photos, as you can see. haha! It was like fabulous coz we stole the silver stars by plucking them from the ceiling, then we walked around Marina hugging the stars. The security guards stared and I smiled, so they smiled back -phew-

And as you can see I've given Dessy the care bear. Was one helluva good day coz the company was great and Dessy was sporting. He didn't whine when I wanted to take photos. Heh. Good good sport!

-pats Dessy on the back-

Gene just got a nose piercing and he's a redhead now. Wooweeet!

Can't wait for papers to end so I can pig out and tan with Gloria, bitch and shop with Kejin, slack with my boys, traumatize friends like Sheha and Trent with my psycho antics, and of course spend some good lovin' time with my dear boyfriend ;)

Mommy and Daddy said I look like a fucking princess when I curled my hair at the sides. Awww!!! hahaha! Daddy said 'That's how my lil gurl should look like on Hari Raya' and he beamed. I am so happy my parents are proud of me!! Hahahaha

Folks took me to Arab Street to look for my shawl. Was too fussy so couldn't get any to my liking. Daddy said he'll throw me some money on Wednesday and I can plough the streets of Singapore myself coz he really doesn't want to be my chaffeur anymore every weekend. hahaha

Jeez man I think I just proved to Flo how ditzy I can be. ha.

Been thinking of lesbians alot. Hmm... I don't know man. I really don't.

Prolly gonna meet Scorpion tomorrow after studying with Sheha. Then gonna meet Dessy boy to pass him my prezzies. hehehe

Nighty nights dear readers.

PS: Gloria I miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Let's pig out after my A's. ahhaha

Favourite Dessy photo.



Sheha and my palms. Heh. I'm Dino and Sheha's Big Mouth Sir. Ha.




Check this out from Trent who knows me sooo well man. Damn hilarious. hahaha

1. My name:
Luxie aka hamsterduck. :D

2. Where did we meet?:
At BK liat.

3. Give me a middle name:
hamsterface.

4. How long have you known me?:
11 months.

5. How well do you know me (a lot, not so much,nothing)?:
I can finish your sentences sometimes. And read your mind and know what you're doing even if you're not with me. So does that make alot? (Or maybe you're typical... hmm. :D )

6. Do I smoke?:
Yes. Virginia Slims lights. coz you're pansy-assed like that. :D

7. What's my favourite colour?:
Black. Coz you want to act goth/cool/thinks it makes you look slimmer.

8. When you first saw me what was your first impression?
ohmygod stunning eyes. ohmygod she talks about shopping like whoa. ohmygod i think i've fallen for her.

9. My age?:
19+

10. My school/wkplace?:
You're retakeing your A's. Last time you're a receptionist at Rex's building for some tourism company and then you became an income tax wots-it at Novena IRA building, and then you became a balloon girl for some credit card company. and now you're not working.

11. Color Hair?:
Hair color or color hair? You hair is black. I'd never allow you to dye your hair coz you're already chow ah lian enough. :D

12. Color eyes?:
Brown. The colour of cinnamon, autumn.

13. Have you ever had a crush on me?
Crush would be an understatement.

14. Have you ever been jealous of me?
Yes. No elaborations.

15. Whats one of my fav things to do indoors?:
Cry. (LMFAO) watch powerpuff girls. bake cookies/muffins/thingsthatdontrealyturnoutthewayyouwantthemto. write in your journal. contemplate suicide. (have i mention crying already?) :D think too much. listen to music.

16. Do you remember the first things I said to you when we first met?
'Do you want my calvin kleins boxers coz i never use them.' 'omg omg omg! i love topshop like whoaaa! and mango!' 'see my pink sweater matches my pink bag and my sandals!' 'i just bought new sandals, wanna see?' 'is that the Beat t-shirt you were talking about?' 'you like The Cure???!!! -insert squealing sound here-

17. Whats my fav type of music?:
emo. jazz. punkrock indie. drum and bass. lounge.

18.Whats one of my fav things to do outdoors?:
sun-tanning. shopping. socializing. slacking.

19. Am I shy or outgoing?
shy? HAH! outgoing, maybe yeah.

20.Would you say I'm funny HAHA or funny (sarcastic)?:
Both. but then again... your sense of humour is quite perplexing.. LMAO :D

21. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules?:
rebel? heheheheh no WAY! but maybe abit naughty lah. and cheeky. and mischevious. and devious. follow rules? yeah sometimes. i know you're afraid of your mommy and daddyyyy~~~ :D

22. Would you consider me a friend?:
No. -grins why whould I? you're already a special friend to me. :)

23. Would you call me preppy, trendy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, snobby, cute or something else?:
SOMEHTING ELSE. definitely. LOL. glam? HAH. okaylah. you're trendy lah. cute. and fucking gorgeous in whatever you wear. (minus those glasses. MAN. :D )

24. Have you ever seen me cry?:
god, don't remind me.

25. If there were one good nickname for me, what would it be?
hamsterduck. :D this is gonna stick with you FOREVER!!!!!!!!

27. If I had broccoli stuck on my teeth, would you tell me?
hehehehehe NO WAY! lol. i'll prolly even take a picture with you :D

29. Quiet or loud?
Loud and quiet. coz you're psycho like that. one moment talkative like whoa.. the next moment... scary sia. :)

30. Short or Tall:
you and me are of the SAME HEIGHT. so that makes us tall. :D

31.Unique or original:
Original in a unique way. or maybe unique in an original way. you're one of a kind. seriously.

32. Street Smart or Book Smart?
street smart?!!!!!! LMFAO!!!! book smart, yeah.

33. Mad or Fun?
both.

34. Inner Beauty or Outer Beauty?
both.

35. A psycho?
yes. very. you talk to yourself. you make carpet noises. you play with your snot. yes you are. that's right. yes.

36. Athlethic?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA -coughcoughcough- HEHEHAHAHAHA

37. A nerd?
hehehehe. maybe with the glasses yeah. :)

38. Independent?
sorta. enough to make your own decisions.

39. Childish?
very. bleh.

40. A Bitch?
sometimes. but then again arent we all?

42. Obnoxious?
heh. not really. but i'll say yes just to piss you off.

45. What do you think Ill be when I grow up?
a fucked-up teacher then all the misfits in school will like and have wet dreams about.

46. A) Do you think Ill get married?
heh. no.
B) If you do,Who do you think Ill marry?
i said NO.

47. When is my birthday?
4th november 1984

48. Who is my best friend?
me.

49. What song(if any)reminds you of me?
Suede - Saturday Night

50. Do I remind you of any characters on TV?
hmm... one of the High Five people? LMAO. no you don't. you remind me of that girl in that novel i told you about. the one who died in a car crash in the end when she wanted to go back to her girlfriend after running away again and again for so long.

51. If you could rename me, what would my name be?
Betty. LMAO. no lah.

52. Have you ever had a dream about me?
Plenty.

53. What you like about me:
you're psycho. i have this liking for psycho girls. and your taste in music. and you being just you.

54. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
my bleeding heart. (makan hati aku... :D )

55. Am I physically ugly, average, decent, good-looking, beautiful, hot?
decent? no we all know better. hah! lol. anyways, hot. beautiful. gorgeous. amazing. yes.

56. When would you happen to think about me?
every nanosecond. can you imagine my hysteria now? -mock scream-

57. If we went out, what would we end up doing?
i guess we'd just talk and joke and i'd tease you and then you'd cry and then i'd comfort you and we'd go to the bay and watch the boats and watch the stars and i'll actually convince you that you're named after one just like the time i convinced you that me and bruce were really smoking ganja at BK. :D

58. If you could describe me in one word, what would it be?
Love.

59. What word do I say all the time?
-insert carpet sound here- LMFAO. kkk lah. your favourite word is 'cute.' as in, 'sooo cute this and you're so cute that.' lol.

60. Is there anything you'd like to say to me?
you're wonderful.

Everybody go awww!! isn't that hilarious??? Eh I really thought you guys were smoking pot/marijuana/whatever at BK man... you guys were rolling your own bloody ciggs with those flimsy paper and stinky tobacco leaves from the mama-shop and Bruce had that stoned look!! Then again he always looks stoned so yeah.

-grins wickedly-

*

Mom fell in the toilet yesterday. Felt awful coz I was mad at her and even though I heard her calling out for me, I ignored her. Then I found her lying on the toilet floor, soaked thru and thru... apparently she's been in that fatal position for 20 minutes. I felt so awful...

So I had to finish up what she couldn't finish. Had to wash the kitchen floor and toilet. Yes. Gross. So there I was crying and scrubbing the kitchen floor... damn re-enactment from Cinderalla I tell you. hahaha

Literature was good. Hope I'll get an A.

-crosses my fingers-

*

I love you too much to ever stop liking you so don't expect me to be your friend.

Doctor: Do you smoke, miss?
Me : No. (blatant lie. ha.)
Mom : She used to smoke heavily, Doctor. Don't know if she still does. (Gives me evil eye.)
Me : No. (tried maintaining eye contact but failed miserably.)
Doctor: Stop it, miss. Throat cancer isn't rare you know. (Duh, who said it wasn't??)
Me : No.
Mom : Hear that? Stop ah.
Me : No. Nooooooooooooooooooo.....

I think I sounded like a retard.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Accidentally swallowed 6 painkillers coz Mom was asleep so had to do it myself.

Was supposed to swallow only 2.

But I forgot I already swallowed 2, so I swallowed another 4, just for extra measure since I have a paper at 2.30pm... just wanted to make sure I wouldn't be writhing in pain. Then I realized I swallowed 6 in all.

But I'm alive and well still, so no worries. Afterall if 30 didn't kill me, why would 6 right?

-triumphant snigger-

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

As for you, take care. Friends forever. Ha. (I need to borrow Happy please.I'm very cold. Brr.)

Coughed up blood yesterday. Puked a teeny weeny bit of blood yesterday too, no thanks to the cough. Nose bled just now. I'm bloody all over. hah. Blocked nose is killing me. Sore throat sucks (and no it's not because of smoking aight). Fever's been hitting an all-time high of 38 degrees plus plus. Jeez man -groans-

Mom brought me to the doctor's just now and the doctor gave me 5 different types of medication. Gave me painkillers too coz Mom told him I'd get hysterical. Like wtf??? I never get hysterical man.. she must've gotten the wrong kid.

Anyhoos I am in pain emotionally, not physically. Mom's so paranoid that I'll overdose myself again that she locked up the painkillers. She'll feed it to me once a day and make sure I swallow it in front of her. Like, I'm not going to die if I take 1 or 2 extra pills, ya know? I'm not that pansy ass-ed...

Got me my curlers/straighteners and got Dessy and I a lil present too. Hehe... got Flo a lil something too. So exciting!

Kenji gave me his number. Heh. Well actually he forced it onto my mobile lah. hahaha

Still haven't gotten Audrey's yet though... so sad ain't going to see them for the rest of the exam season since we don't have any more common papers...

To Gloria, sorry I haven't been picking up your calls. I think anybody who calls me these few days won't be getting a reply coz I always sleep in the day so I can study at night. Either that or Mom took the mobile and by the time she gets home, I'm asleep. Sorry Gloria... I shall call you after Friday, when most of my papers are done.

Don't ask about Maths. It was do-able but I don't know if I can get the grades I want. Grrr...

Anyhoos. Please excuse me if I sound ditzy for the rest of today's entry.

Like okay I am totally fine now.

I missed you so much Flo!!! I am so so sorry for being a biatch!! aaargh!

-kisses you all over-

I might not be angry and bitter anymore but I certainly am very very sick. Sore throat and flu. Mom said it's because of the overdose of studying plus personal misery. I'd say I think she got it spot-on this time. grins.

Let's talk happy things. Nice, happy, pretty happy things. Like how many new friends I've made!

Wow!

-Cheshire-pussy smile-

Hmm... Scorpion and I have become relatively closer and I just want to wish her all the best with you-know-who. Yea... hope you don't stay mad at her long... she's special; you can't just abandon her that way aight?

Well, there was the Scorpion week.
Then it was the Lexter week, the one whom I study with Andrew as well.
Then it was the Zhen Rong week whereby we laughed and teased like old buddies.
Then I discovered Audrey on Monday, my long-lost cute-butch friend and old-neighbour from Crescent. So like we meet in school everyday now for our papers and to gossip. Heeeeee
Then Ivan introduced me to Kenji yesterday. Had a blast bitching at BK for hours yesterday coz he's is so so funny! He spews words like C*** C*** B** and F*** Y** like nobody's business. This fella's a hardcore vulgarity-user I tell you! He says the CCB word once every 15 seconds. It's used so frequently to the point that I found it amusing rather than offensive. Hah.

Hmm... I realized that thanks to Ivan and Andrew, I got to know many many new people!

Wow!

There was the Azza days...
the K-Wan days...
the Ashik days...
the Hafiz Bah days...
the Hisham days...
I can't remember the rest. All I know is that I am frequently introduced to their friends and this is very very fun because I am a social buterfly and since we all get along very well, I want to thank them for being my Papa-sans. hahaha! Kidding kidding...

Trent and Kejin introduces me to their friends regularly too... and then there's Dessy's funny friends too... so fun man! Haha! I love life to bits now, minus the A's and the flu that is.

Wow!

Friends suck. One after the other is a disappointment. I don't know who to trust except for a few. I really shouldn't use the term 'best friend' so loosely. I really shouldn't use the term 'friend' loosely. Afterall I might just label some of you as an acquaintance. I am very very very upset right now because everything's fucked. One after the other is a disappointment. I hope all of you will rot in hell. I am very very very angry. I really am.

Gloria where are you Gloria... I need to see you. I really do before I try to do something drastic... I have a paper tomorrow from 8am-11am. Please see me after that Gloria... I need to see you. Please call me tomorrow, I see you at Bukit Batok. I don't know how else to contact you. I'm at my wits end and I need tot alk this out before you see my face in the orbituary on Thursday morning.

Nobody did any wrong to me except for one person who turned against me and the few whom I just discovered were a huge disappointment. So much for calling yourselves friends huh... As you can see I am a very bitter person now. I think I'm going crazy even. I am sorry to the innocent ones I have cursed. I have no choice. I get betrayed time and again and it's only natural I feel this way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I see so much hypocrisy on Friendster. I 'borrowed' a friend's password and account because I refuse to get one myself. And I am very very sad that some friends have been very very nice to my exs, my enemies, my blah blah blah.

Okay I shall not be self-centred here. But I distinctively remember some people clearly showing their distaste for some others. Then all of a sudden here I am reading happy, nice 'Aww you are such a nice and funny friend!' testimonials.

My oh my do I see lots of hypocrisy.

Maybe it's just for the sake of having so many people added to your list. It does boost your ego to see 200 'frineds' doesn't it? Reality bites honey. Hello, but you only know 1/50 of them well enough.

Maybe it's just for the sake of self-consolation because as you know, some people just don't have a backbone. They need others to tell them and remind them of what they are made of, even if the 'others' are people they bad-mouth frequently. I mean, on things like Friendster, you can't really bad-mouth anyone, can you? So you're left with no choice but to say highly exaggerated bullshit like 'I haven't seen you in sooo long!!! I hope to see you soon!!!' When in your mind you go like 'Fuck you bitch I'll probably screw my eyes out if I have to see you again.'

I firmly believe in hating things like Friendster because of its superficiality. I of all people should know what that means because no suprises, I was guilty of such behaviour before. I have nothing against people who blindly sign up for it just because everyone else did. I have nothing against the fools who tell lovely blatant lies just to have lovely blatant lies in their testimonials in return either. I just have this thing against such networks whereby hypocrisy is the order of the day and superficiality is acknowledged whereas truth cease to exist.

Cheers to the heightening hypocrisy in our mundane lives.

Econs was alright I guess. Maths fucked. Couldn't seem to get the right answers though I was sure of the formulas and steps... fuck it all, it's over. Chilled with Ivan and Audrey and man oh man do we share a dirty lil secret that we'll tell nobody, aight? Shuush...

Everything's so wrong. I can't stop the tears from spilling.

Why did you do that? Why did you betray my trust? I loved you so much as a friend. I cared, I listened, I sympathised and I supported you. I took your insults in my stride. You meant so much to me, I poured my heart and soul into you. Suddenly you turn around and decide you hate gurls like me. Can you hear my heart shattering to a million pieces?

As for you, I don't understand this all. I want it to end for the simple fact that I can't bear to see you go thru so much shite because of me and because it complicates life for us.

It makes me sad.
It makes you sad.
Your friends are sad.

Why don't we just move on and leave the past behind?
I think I've had just enough of drama. As I said before, drama is fun but only if it doesn't involve me and you.

We are a public spectacle, can't you see that darling? Can't you see how everybody wants our friendship to end this very minute? Why make ourselves cry tears of despair every night? What are we fighting for? Why can't we just end it now so we won't cry a tear anymore?

I'm sorry it has to end this way, but we'll learn day by day why I am so sorry for your love.

Maths and Econs tomorrow.

I wanna cry. So sick now, I can barely open my eyes. I really wanna cry.

How I wish I can give Satan my blood so he'll turn back time and I can relive and restudy all over again. Where's the goddamn devil when I need him... tsk tsk tsk.

Aidah and I taken at BK on Thursday nightwith the help of Mr Rashid and her mobile. Tee hee...



Scorpion and her piercings. You guys haven't even seen the rest man... damn cool stuff.




You made me drop my first tear for you. Why did you say that?

you> ill appreciate it if u dont come n chat w me these couple of days.
me > whats wrong?
me > what did i do to u?
you> nothing
me > then?do i disgust u or sth?
you> just reminded me of someone thats all
me > u just made me drop my first tear for you.
you> sorry
you> but ive got nothing more to say.

I thought you and me share the same sentiments.
I thought you and me understand the positions we are in.
I thought you and me understand the phrase 'playing around' like we're born to represent it.
I thought you and me are cool with what we tell each other.
I thought you and me are best friends in the virtual world.

-cries in despair-

I thought all wrong. I am always so wrong...

You don't just brush me aside like that. If you hate listening to what I have to say, be it problems or opinions, then you could've told me so I'll shut up and watch what I say. It's only fair if you tell me your relationship problems, I tell you mine too right? When it comes to you, I tell you things I can't tell anybody else. You mean so much to me that I produce instant teardrops when you brushed me off like that.

Because we are tight like that.

But if you feel it's too much and if you feel I remind you of some fucked-up ex of yours, then I really can't do anything. Because I am fucked up and I always will be fucked up, so I won't bother changing.

Then I guess it's no more a you and me then.

I want everybody to fuck off and not ask me who this person is because if you do, I'll get seriously mad. All you have to know is that this person is special enough to cajole tears out of my eyes.

That's the difference between a thong and a G-string peeps. So quit asking already.
-grins-



Friday November 07 2003


Met Trent to study then met Flo... to walk around Suntec and Esplanade. Was so excited to take photos only to realize her camera wasn't working. Sigh... was fun though.

Then dropped by WM to chill with my boys Andrew and Lexter. Hehe... waited for Darryl to come coz I wanted to see his Scrambler, but he took so goddamn long I took off in a jiffy.

Other than that, I was seriously contemplating a grand disappearance coz my exams are next week and I don't think I can handle it.

-poof-


Thursday November 06 2003


Studied at Mac's BB with Dessy the entire day and it was hilarious coz suddenly Dessy sang

'You treat me like a toad, You give me a pond to grow...'

when A1's song 'You Treat Me Like A Rose' on the radio goes like

'You treat me like a rose, you give me time to grow...'

like, bwarhahahahahahahahahhaa

Met up with Kejin, Ivan, Andrew and Zhen Rong at night at Coffee Bean Westmall to slack. So fun!!!!!!!!! Had such a great laugh... thank you Kejin and Ivan for the earrings!! I LOVE THE EARRINGS!! It's like this bronzy-ethnic type with black crystals, like it's beautiful man! It's so me! -swoons- I love you guys!! muack muack muack!!!!!!!

Bumped into Aidah and Rashid at BK and it was like a squealing competition. haha! Aidah you must send me the photo we took with your hp ok!! I shall post it here and show everyone how pretty my best JC friend is -winkwink-

Fuckface. If I find out who posted my photo on SG Girls, aka epitomy of sleazy 15 minutes of fame, I will slash your throat. I swear I'll mess your face up even you don't need a mirror anymore. I'll wring your Momma like I wring my clothes and her head'll end up betwen her legs. I'll attack your daddy like he's the Nazi god everyone's always wanted to torture but not kill.

fuck you. fuck fuck fuck you, whoever you are.

If you think that was funny, I'm not amused.
I'm gonna get you.

If you think I'd be flattered, I'm not at all.
I'm gonna get you.

If you think it's good revenge, I think that's a cheap stunt and you're capable of better.
I'm gonna get you.

If you think you have the hots for me (judging by the way you write), I suggest you tell me who you are then I'll give you a nice kiss then I'll bite your tongue off and eat your eyeballs live and fresh.
I'm gonna get you.

Fuck you. Why did you do that. Why did you say that. Fuck you man.

I'm gonna get you.

The empire of my Levis jeans. Heh. Only 5 here coz I lost 1 pair. Grrr





Check out my new MANGO top. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee





A huge thank you to Kejin, Ivan and Andrew for the midnight in IRC rendezvous!!

Thanks for the birthday thingy I love you guys aww muack muack muack... so sweeet!! And to you too Flo who was a tad late but it's alright. hahaha! Gloria too. heeeeeeeeeeeee

Nice birthday day. Nice Dessy. Nice lunch at a pasta restaurant at Taka. Nice toilet at Paragon. hahaha. I looove the presents honey. Luuurve it. Funky baby, funky monkey chunky wonky. heh.

Brucie, the Redneck and Trent were fun. Love the Redneck. Where's your truck honey? No I'm not insulting your Momma darl. So where's your truck? What? Your Momma's in it across the road? Oh. Where's your truck again? -grins-

Haaa.....how come I have so many buttons Treeeent??? I only have 3 ok... -winkwink- I don't have like, 10, as you suggested. And the one on my neck doesn't count coz that's my official burp button. -grins-

HAPPY 7th MONTH ANNIVERSARY DESSY HONEY :)





Aww...





Today's fabulous to the core. Spent the first half of the day freezing my pretty lil ass off at Mac's, studying all alone.

Then joined Ivan, Andrew and Lexter at Coffee Bean to study in the afternoon. Had a blast laughing with the cute boys coz 3/4s of the time they were poking fun at Andrew's mouth, which is funny really. hahaha! Lexter's pretty cute... even Kejin thinks so. heh.

So like Gloria's the official 1st person to wish me a Happy Birthday. hahaha! Nice nice woman she is...

Spent the entire day arguing with Trent for God knows what. Oh nvm... it was bad though. Never argued this much before. Sorry dear...

As for you, I am hurt. I don't know... I guess infatuation's over man. Lucky me.

What irony. Me? A saviour? I'm usually the one in need of a good save man. And I'm usually the one who's a threat to humankind.

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Savior of the human race
Date when you fufill your destiny	November 20, 2023
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

Everything's so fucked. I can't stop crying. I am sick, fever's at 38.2 degrees plus sorethroat. Trent's gone. Exams next week. Sarah's very unhappy, poor soul. Mom's screaming coz I have tonnes of dykey friends. Dad's yelling coz I spend too much time on net.

I haven't been sleeping well. I cry in my sleep on an average of once in 4 days. I cry then I wake up sniffing soggy pillows but I just can't stop crying. I told Des and he said 'You know what? You are a very sad gurl.' Like, duh honey. Like, duh. hahaha

Check this out... http://members.cox.net/impunity/endofworld.swf


Friday, October 31, 2003


Halloween and it's a downright nightmare for me today - literally; not figuratively.

Taught Trent Math at City Hall and that was only part of the nightmare. hahaha! Kidding woman... kidding. Good luck for your paper on Monday!

We lied down at Esplanade rooftop after studying and fell asleep for hours while listening to my Brandston CD. Woke up and I cried. I always cry these days. The sky was beautiful. We watched tiny planes zipping to and fro the nearby airport and we saw the half-moon. The sky was very very nice because we were lying down and all we saw was the railings and plentiful of pretty moving clouds. So so nice...

On the way home she dropped the bomb. It's over between us. All over. No more us. Everything's over and I just won myself 20 new Luxie-haters... I feel awful. I feel bad. You should know what you were in for... my heart lies with somebody else's and I can't change that. Your words hurt me so bad. Can't you see that you mean much too much to me to just let you go this way? I begged for your eternal friendship but you and your ego. Sigh... you and your ego. No, you didn't want my friendship. You choose to ignore my existence forever. Well if that makes you happy then so be it.

I have the nerve to write some pretty nasty stuff but I shall hold back my tongue because after reading what you wrote about me, I don't want you feel as awful as I do. So count your blessings that I'm only stopping here.

I will miss you so much.

I have to rest...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As for you, I appreciate your concern. I miss you. I hope to see you soon. Take care. Don't make this weekend a drunkard's weekend again... cheer up. All's fair in love and war. You'll find someone deservant of your affections someday...

Cheers sugar.