I'm in a state of confusion. And I realized that so is Gloria. hahaha! Welcome to the Confused Annonymous (CA) babe. hehehe...

Work work work. Yes I'm tired. I don't have time for enjoyment. Apologies to Desmond and Gloria. I miss you guys and I hope to see you guys soon, after Tower's stock-taking that is :P

THANK YOU GLORIA FOR THE MODELLING JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*kisskisskisskiss x infinity*

You really make me happy for the first time in a long long time :) It's great to have something to look forward to :)

Cheerios people.

You're still the biggest part of me.
It's hard to breathe when we're apart.
You're the sunshine in my heart
I keep you here inside.
You mean everything to me.
You've been and always will be the apple of my eye.
And now I know it's still hard to believe
You're the biggest part of me
And all I'm living for.

-Bryan McKnight

Yes it goes out to whoever it concerns.

It's difficult to wake up in the morning and smile when the minute you open your eyes, your parents ruin your plans for the day, everyday. It's these last minute cancellations to my plans that leaves me feeling very frustrated and deprived. Why can't I have normal parents like everyone else? Why are my parents clamping down on me so much? When I promise to be home a certain time, I really do get home at that time. I tell them who I go out with and to begin with, I don't even go out much. I'm a workaholic and other than that, I'm at home playing the role of a net-addict. So when I do come out once in a while, why can't they let loose?

Sigh.. it's the morning thingy I tell you. I'm always so bitter and angry in the mornings these days. Forgive me.

I am sorry Gloria for being a disappointment... you are what everyone wants in a friend and I hope I'll never lose you because it'll be a huge blow...

That aside, the day with Hab was eventful... lots of first-time-thingys. Haha... thanks for the comfort and the shoulder to cry on. Lying on the cold hard concrete floor; talking for hours in the dim lighting was an experience I'll never forget... your respect for me is beyond anything I've ever encountered. Anybody else in the same situation would've taken advantage of my helpless nature but you didn't. You stood by my side and offered a ride through 3 hours of heaven. I appreciate your efforts to make me happy... do not blame me should my affections for you deepen by the day.

(The Haagen Daz cake was fabulous la, you're just too fussy. haha!!)

Not in the best of moods. My world just fell apart big-time. I'm not telling anyone but Gloria, Hab and Dessy what's going on so sorry to the rest of you...

Where were you when I needed you? Everyone was by my side when I broke down the countless of times yesterday. Hab. Gloria. Kejin. You're never here with me. You're always too busy when I need you the most. I'm not going to tolerate this any longer.

What happened:

1) Blistered feet the entire day.
2) Work sucks and the tears were very generous.
3) Daddy came home with bad news. Pfft.
4) More incessant tears flowed for an hour before I got my way. I'm still unhappy.

Do you know how miserable I've been for the past few weeks? All of my demands are kept under wraps. Violence does not exist in my vocabulary. All I do to curb this frustrated feelings is to smile and laugh along. But I'm broken. Broken Broken Broken. Are you blind not to see it? Is it not obvious the way I respond to you and your calls?

I'm just asking for a minute of your time. What and where is this relationship going? I can't be treading on a piece of rubber band of a relationship and swing like a yoyo time and again, because me being me, I need a stable one. Not what we have now. What has happened to us? Where has it gone wrong? Do you think you can handle what is to slapped into your face soon? I can't but I sure hope you jolly well can.

It's not selfishness darling. It's 9.30am in the morning and I had a miserable day and night before this. Where were you again? M-I-fucking-A. Yeah. I am angry. So frustrated, upset and perturbed. I don't know what to do with you, my job, my friends, my family and her. No they aren't that much of a headache to me as you and my job are. I am absolutely bitter and angry. So so upset.

Been bottling it up and I keep venting my frustrations out on poor Hab. Do you think it's fair for an innocent party to suck in all my misery that's caused by the rest of you? All she ever did was to please me, satiate my appetite and listen to my woes. My friendship with her is strained lately because of my haywire state of mind. She takes in all the shit that I go through everyday.

I try to get you. Talk to you. But you're always too busy. Or if I were to tell you, you'll tell me 'Maybe it's better you don't talk about it then you won't feel so upset'. Or you'd tell me that I go through this all the time, that it's not something new, and that I should just deal with it. Afterall, I'm going to go through it again.

I don't know... I really don't know. This sudden outburst of hate must terrify you, no doubt. I am sorry for this rude entry. It's just the morning thingy when I don't get my way and I have to write this down before I meet Hab and get all pissified on her. I want to meet her today in town and be happy and laugh coz for the first time ever, it's both of our off days from work. Yes. I swear to have a good time today.

Ciao.

Bad day at work. Hab and I have been fighting alot lately. It's because of my bloody tantrum and mood swings... sigh. I am utterly sorry. Bad week man. Bad.

Met Maguire, Kejin, Gloria and what-not after work. Yeah. Kejin's very pretty. Gloria looks like a star now without her braces. ahahah! Congrats baby! Like, FINALLY. Heh.

Good luck to Dessy who's at church praying for his uncle. I hope he gets well.

Sigh... trouble at home... shall sms those who matter to me to tell...

Ciao people...

I show that I care by calling you once a week or once a fortnight. We parted ways doesn't mean we are not friends anymore. You don't care about me at all, fine. I understand. Afterall the emotional turmoil I put you through, it's no wonder you don't love me anymore. I don't blame you at all.

BUT it doesn't mean that I stop caring for you. What you're doing with your life now is absolutely insane. Can't you see that you're throwing away your sanity, talent, intelligence and youth away? There's much more to life than drugs, booze and parties, as cliched as it sounds.

I am not being naggy here beause I am also guilty of whatever practices you indulge in. But do it moderately, understand? I never asked you to stop doing something. I'm just telling you now to cut down. Slow down. Chill. Living life on the fast lane at such a young age will definitely affect you sooner or later. When you come crashing down, it'll be so bad that I'm sure someone like you would try to attempt suicide.

You may think it's cool. You think I'm losing out on alot. F-U-N and H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S. This is fun and happiniess while it lasts. When one of you dies of heartburn one of these days, you'll never want to have fun or seek happiness anymore. Do you need a tragedy to occur just so you'll wake up darling?

Reality check baby. Reality bites. Hard. How long are you going to bum around with some unstable job and be an alcoholic at 18? You need to finish your degree that you're so lucky to have to begin with. You need to put aside that tonnes of cash you're getting each week for a rainy day.

All you do is splurge on booze and friends. They are rich kids who have their parents' savings to fall back on. They can also afford to be dumped overseas should they flunk their exams because they can afford it. The same cannot be said for me and you. We screw up this once, it'll be the death of us. No second chances unless you want to waste your youth away on slaving for money and by the time you're 25, you have enough money to study only to realize you're not interested in studying at all.

If I don't sincerely care, I wouldn't bother to call you on the pretext of asking you about the gig that you have already plainly stated on your blog and then proceeding to lecture incessantly about this life that you lead. Neither would I get so emotionally disturbed and dedicate an entire page of advice and reality-slapped-in-your-face to you in my blog.

Think about it man. Sober up. And slow down. Not for me or your mother or your new lover or anyone else. But for yourself.

Please.

PS : Please tell him to get out of the way. I don't know what's his problem. Some of your friends hate my guts but nobody's ever said anything nasty about me on your LJ coz they're cool. Who the FUCK does he think he is man... saying that.. what, the 2 of you are bosom buddies? Tsk. What a riot... I know you'd never hang with a loser like him man. Tsk tsk tsk...

+

Bad morning. Woke up groggy. In need of a fag but they're with Hab... she safeguards them on my off-days so I won't get fucking shit from parents. Thank goodness for her...

Emailed Gloria a long long email and I am terribly sorry for that dearie... have fun replying to it. haha...

I don't know. I have issues with so many things at hand. I need to be alone. I need Hab. I want to be alone. But I need Hab. What am I going to do... sigh...

By the way, I won't be having the mobile with me til the end of the month coz my bill sky-rocketted to $140 with 1400 smses... so don't bother msging or calling... coz I wouldn't know anyways.

Cheers. Have a good life people.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY DESSY HONEY!!!!!!!! *muacksmuacksmuacksmuacksmuacks*
Saturday - Tanning with Kejin and Jav. Love my new bikini ;) Then Sentosa with Dessy and friends. Cacat friends who kept hiding in the shade whilst playing soccer coz the sand was hot. hahaha! Colin, injury my foot lar. ahhaha! Anyhoos,

Sunday - Work. Breakfast. Esplanade and toilets and cold hard floor. Scorpion and Esther. Esther's sooo pretty and cute!!! *gushes* Chicky dinner. Taxi taxi taxi. Nobody home so slacked at Westmall til late with Hab. Yeap. Great day man.

Today - bad day at work. Moody like fuck. Stupid sup. Rooftops and more rooftops. Lunch with the gay lovers Malcolm and Ow and bonding's never been this fun before ;) and NOW I know what they mean when the guys say 'Drop soap arh???' hehehehe

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're sleeping around
Strangers think	You're hot
Friends think	You talk too much
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

What do people really think about you? by Raven319
Name
Age
favorite song
Parents think	You're sleeping around
Strangers think	You're gay
Friends think	You're wonderful
Created with quill18's MemeGen 2.0!

I only changed the favourite song part. But the 'Sleeping around' part sticks. Whats up with that man? Grrr... but then again considering my parents, considering what paranoid androids they are, they think anyone wearing a tube sleeps around. So I don't care afterall. Ha.

+

Taxi rides. Taxi rides. And more taxi rides.

Oh. Not forgetting CP ;)

Hmm... Coffee Bean cakes everyday. Aunty Anne's Passionfruit drink (my fav!!!). Filet O Fish. Crepe. Pasta. Matching dog tags and soon-to-be-formed matching t-shirts and rings. Painting. Dairy Queen ice-cream and lemonade and Takopachi and Japanese noodles.

I'm so spoilt by you.

You keep giving giving and giving. I'm receiving receiving and receiving like a greedy oaf. I'm so afrai someday you'll just get tired and give up. Don't say I didn't warn you.

+

We are falling apart and it makes me sad to break it to you. I don't know how to say it neither do I know what exactly my reasons are. I'm so sad. So so sad... I'm very confused. I don't want to let go but perhaps it's for the better. Maybe I should not even think of this... this is ridiculous. We can be happy. Yes we can. We'll work on this thing we once had so much faith in. And we'll survive it all and come out triumphant. Yes. Maybe....

Yesterday was great fun.

Bought a translucent MANGO top that thrilled my male colleagues ;)

A cool bra that thrilled the pants off Hab ;)

+

And you bought me my favourite crepe from Marche after work.
The cab ride home was exhilirating to say the least.
What a real real darling you are.

I remember the days we listened to Coldplay. Muse. Manic Street Preachers. Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Notwist. Suede. And I had to beg you to play the Outkast 'The way You Move' song and all of you guys officially christened it my song.

The great music, the rainy/sunny weather switching like well, a switch. The even better company. You. Me. Intertwined fingers. Secret smiles and stolen glances from the corner of our eyes when the rest aren't looking. Esplanade toilet visits and MacDonalds and BK breakfast, lunch and dinners. Esplanade libraries and couches and sunsets and lovely chocolates and moonlight by the bay and endless giggles. The outdoor days were awesome.

From our favourite play:

Honey : What do you call me?
Moon : Honey.
Honey : Why?
Moon : Coz. Your tooth is sweet and you like it on your toast.
Honey : What do I call you?
Moon : Moon.
Honey : Why?
Moon : Coz. I work nights and my eyes look like stars.

Sounds just like you and me, innit?

+

Me : You're a real gem darl.
Scorp : Germ you mean.
Me : No. G-E-M. Like diamonds. Crystals. Whatever's sparkly and precious.
Scorp : But I am a germ. And a real big one at that.

????

Hahahahahaha

She's a real gem, I swear.

Are You Naughty or Nice?


Yay! Shopping with Mom today. Shopping with Hab tomorrow. Sentosa and gig with Dessy and friends on Saturday. Looks like it's gonna be a great week ahead :)

Finally.

Yeah net's back. Kudos to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ha.

So much has happened.

Valentines Day was awesome. Spent it at work with Hab and then met Dessy Steve and Gerri and had a wacky wacko time at Night Safari. Yes Steve you eat tables and Dessy eats chairs. And the babirusa is not called Rahmah vokay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha

Hmm... saw many many stars because of the MTV Asia Awards and Towers staff have special thingy schmingys for the staff... Gareth Gates looks much much better in real life than on the telly. But he was stoned man. Like drugged-out. Tsk tsk tsk.

It's been a krazy 3 weeks. So much has happened.

Feelings rekindled and feelings lost.
Relationships burnt and relationships formed.
Friends rediscovered and friends dumped.

+

You know I can't live without you. Ever since I discovered the love in you life's not the same anymore. I hope whatever turmoil that's been surfacing of late will be gone soon. Coz we're much too precious to be wasting our tempers and sharp tongues on each other. Let's use it on others instead. Yes. That'd be fun.

-evil laughter-

+

Gigs. Late night supper. VIP passes. Crew passes. Gourmet restaurants. Car rides. You'd think I'll be a happy gurl. But I'm not. The one thing that I need the most is the one thing that's lacking. And it's you. Why can't you just see that?