Yeah these are the some of the nicer shots that weren't used for the magazine :) I like the blue tshirt. So cute. Shall buy it when payday comes (which is Friday. yay!). I also love the tube top, pink miniskirt and the brown shorts but they are just not practical... I'll never wear those kinda stuff out, so yeah. What a pity.


I went to Hab's place to paint today! See see!! I painted that all by myself (insert a smug grin here. haha) It's my first time painting on canvas (is that canvas darl?) and using oil (is that oil darl?) heh. I don't know la... It's the first time I'm painting but not using water colour and paper. Nice nice? There's like shaded tones of blue, maroon and black but I don't think it's visible in this photo. Well too bad, I got your beans in my bag ;)


Hab drew these for me. Isn't that cute?? That's the cute monster-ish gurl from Finding Nemo. The one who said "I'm a pirannnnnha" and Hab can imitate her in the most super duper cutest way man :) And that's the milk I drink everyday and of course, the bottom one is the chalk design on her bedroom wall. Coz she's cool like that.

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Sometimes when people fight, they say and do things they don't mean to. I am sorry I banged down the phone and I'm sorry I said all those nasty stuff. Anger gets the better of me and ego gets the rest of me when placed in such situations. I really didn't mean all those mean words, all those cold responses and all those pissified stares. I am utterly sorry you had to come into contact with the nastier side of me so soon.

Please forgive me.

But hey man, don't push it next time round. Insults and slap-in-the-face revelations should be told gently, not condescendingly. Perhaps we could've handled the matter better if you didn't put me down so badly and if I didn't shot back defensively at every sentence you uttered.

Sorry.

Have you heard of my Tragic Kingdom?
An endless field of blooming venom
Painted in the most breath taking view
Only visible to the eyes of a few
Of whom shall relish the sweetest smile
Laced with agony bitter as bile
Lead another without the poison
And never taste beauty so magnificent.

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Oh now I know what's the title of the Beck song that I love so much!! It's called The New Pollution! Yay!
-prances around gleefully-

Been helping out Aunty and Uncle move their stuff coz they've got a new home. Sigh... I feel like a Bangla for the past few days. Scrubbing the floor with my bare hands, packing and carrying boxes heavier than myself, serving people food and drinks... please tell me it's all worth it coz they are family. Please.

Love department is good and bad. Somebody needs to be thrown away while somebody else needs to be polished to shine. Sigh... I am utterly confused. Bye bye or hello?

Oh Thrice makes me wanna cry. They are so so good... jeez fuck should have learnt to play the guitar when I had the time man. Could just give myself a real nice hardcore slap right now for not bothering to learn to play the guitar. Haaa... go check out Thrice. And no Trent sayang, I didn't just discover them (just in case you're gonna smirk and think I'm so passe while reading this. haha). I've listened to them since like, last year January (Okay defensive vibes oozing). Just that now I have the album coz well, I work in a record store and I get fabulously ridiculously cheap discounts. (Yeah right. haha)

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230404 - And I cannot bear to be apart from you and not be able to touch and taste you.

210404 - I promise to love you even more, even when I don't see you at our usual hangouts... Even when it's too painful to eat. And when going to work seems like a torture.

Oh honey... now do you guys know why I love this person so so much?

3 months and going and it ain't gonna stop man.

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It's kind of scary coz the way I adore you now is just like the way I adored that somebody who broke my heart.That person also drove me to multiple suicide attempts on a daily basis. All of you my friends; know exactly who I'm talking about. Yes it's him. When I see you, I can't keep my hands off you. I adore you so badly that I practically worship the ground you walk on and everything that you touch. Keeping scraps of paper you touched, bottles you bought, wrappers you ate from... I might just turn into an obsessive psycho if you lead me on any further. It's totally krazy the way I feel for you. It's been years since I last felt this passionate about someone... the last time I felt this way, I resorted to cutting his name and mine on my left arm. I also swallowed pills when the fights were unbearable. Oh, to add on to the list, I fainted in the kitchen in my parents' presence whenever I missed him too much...










I hope our relationship will never end up like that. Coz honestly, I'm kind of weary. The first 3 months with him was heavenly (as it is with you now) but after that, it was a hell ride for 2 years. I loved him so much I wouldn't listen to what anyone said about him, even though I was abused beyond redemption.

Coz you see, I love you that much. After years, I have finally met someone I love that much. That you can abuse me til the end of time and I'll still love you.

Coz you see, I love you that much.

I sure hope you won't take advantage of my love the way he did... coz this time round, should I get hurt by you, my suicide attempts might just turn into a suicide. Period.

Yay! The photos look alright afterall! Hehe... hmm... but I kinda look like a man in the 1st photo. Sorry if it's blurry, I took it using the digicam straight off the magazine. If you guys wanna see it properly, you gotta get the magazine from Flash N Splash, Stussy, Roxy, Quiksilver and Surfbabe outlets. That's Jaqui. She's the Miss Roxy 2001. Ain't she a babe or what man... hai...

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Met Gloria and took some 'depressing' photos involving a root beer bottle hoping to pass off as a beer bottle, and a can of Wintermelon tea. hahaha! Thanks for spending time with me babe, you're awesome :)

Then met Hab for lunch and she bought me 3 pieces of my favourite Mrs Fields soft cookies. Everyone say awwww....

Yeah. Gloria, Hab and I played the Connect Four game and I lost so many times :( And Gloria introduced to me some super-yummy fried ice-cream from Carrefour. Yummy!

I feel so blessed with friends like them. (Plus Sheha, plus Aidah, plus Kejin, plus Flo, plus........ haha)

If you have been talking to me lately, you'll know that I felt very unloved at home, especially by my mom. But now, with all these great friends around me, I feel absolutely brilliant.

And no I've decided not to cut my hair really short and ugly as an act of spite afterall :)

Coz I'm happier now.

The other time I said I was modelling for Flash N Splash right? Yeah, the magazine's out. You can get it at all Flash N Splash, Rip Curl and Roxy outlets. The magazine's half the size of an A4 size paper. I'm only on 2 pages though. Haha! I've yet to see the photos so I'll post another update tomorrow after I've seen it. So exciting!! Thanks Gloria for the lobang!! You're awesome babe.

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Anyhoos, Yesterday was fabulous. She came over and we watched Nemo and baked chocolate muffins. She got along pretty well with my mom and it's just wonderful to spend time with her at home, for like 9 hours. haha! It's so funny bickering candidly for the sake of my mom and having to steal glances when my mom's around. But we resorted to hurried grabbings and longing smiles when she's gone. hahaha

Thanks for wearing a bikini bra, a tight tshirt and tying your hair when you came over. The effort meant alot to me sugar...

Check out them photos :)


Okay I'm a nuisance like that ;)


Hab actually put that apricot very near the camera to 'censor' my face. hahaha


What we baked! Yummy chocolate muffins! Some are covered by chocolate sauce while the light brown bits are slices of Mars bars :) Hab's brilliant idea, of course. Grins.

It's funny how arguments about how deep one's love is and taking risks and the probability of losing someone brings a couple closer together. To put it bluntly, a convo that was full of nasty snipes and bitchy bickerings were the order of the day when they were pathetically sick. Then there was also the persistent beggings of assuring the other party not to leave because she just can't live life without her. And then the insecuriteies flood your ears and you try to act like you hate her to death and you tried to convince yourself that you can live without her (at which you failed miserably coz you know you can't.) And of course there was the she loves you 90% and she loves her 10% part.

But when they met. Everything was perfect. Smiles, laughter and jokes were all that was displayed. No arguments. No insecurities. No bickerings. Funny innit?

Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am whole again.

Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am young again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am fun again.

Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am free again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am clean again.

However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you.

Lovesong - The Cure

(for you, my honey)

+

Okay maybe I was extremely rude in the previous entry. Forgive me aight. I'm really sorry I totally blew up and cursed like a dirty lil bitch. It's this goddamn fever that's driving me mad.

Was hallucinating that somebody was punching and slapping my face and next thing when I got up I couldn't feel my left leg so I sat on the kitchen floor. Twas weird.

Aiiiii... please pray I get well soon. I've been so sick for days.

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I am absolutely sick and I hate being sick because I can't go out to see you, you and you.

Don't be mad at me, please. I didn't choose to be sick neither it is my fault that the medication I took takes donkey years to perform its task of healing. Here I am at home with 39.5 degrees celcius worth of fever and a runny nose and a sore throat and all you guys can care about is getting annoyed at me. I am really sorry I cannot meet any of you for these few days. I know I've cancelled many, many plans with many, many angry people. I'm truly sorry.

My dad isn't the best person to deal with either you know.

Does your daddy yell at you every night when he comes home from work? Does your daddy suffer from high blood pressure, diabetes and heart problems; thus resulting in his foul temper? Does your daddy yell at you for watching TV at 11pm? Does your daddy take away your mobile as and when he likes? Does your daddy put you down for being a failure time and again; every night? Does your mommy vent out her anger on you because you're the one at home with her but she's actually angry at the daddy and brother? Does your mommy tell you to stay away from her so she wouldn't get infected coz she "can't afford to fall sick"? Does your mommy fight with your daddy practically everyday? Do you worry about money? Do you keep your mouth shut despite the 39.5 degree fever just so that they won't send you to the doctor and later nag at you for falling sick, and thus wasting their money? Do you live in fear everyday because you're afraid your parents would find out something they aren't supposed to? Does your heart do a 2.4km run whenever you want to ask your parents for permission to go out? Does your heart break because you can't meet your lover for weeks? Do you have to stay home and do nothing because you don't have a job and you are not allowed to go out, hence driving yourself to insanity? Do tears come to your eyes when you stare at your textbooks coz you're going thru the education hell for the 3rd time? Does your brother take money from you til you're left with $6.22 in your ATM for the rest of the month? Do you have negative $1.55 left in your EZ Link and $2 in your wallet and you don't know how you're gonna live for another 12 days? Do you freak out because you can't get a new job just because you can't speak Mandarin? Do you have to endure the insults of being a jobless failure practically everyday? Do you?

No.

No bloody fucking NO.

I don't want your sympathy and I don't want to see any sms-es today. I just want you, my dear friends, to understand that my life isn't simple. Now that I don't have a job, it's very very hard for me to get out of this house. When I had a job, I could lie to them. Even so, I get caught. But now I can't.

So fuck off coz you don't go thru what I'm going thru right now and I am angry at every single one of you. Yes, every single one of you.

Don't sms me and say something coz my mobile's with my daddy. If you want to drive me 6 feet under, jolly well sms me and get me into a whole lot of shite. But if you're feelin' me, don't sms me. It's just for the better. Better yet, stay away til I get better. My mood's as foul as the nastiest bitch on Earth so stay away unless you want me to give you some tender lovin' verbal abuse.

Listening to Alicia Key's 'If I Ain't Got You' on repeat mode isn't helping me to heal my broken heart at all.



This photo is for the benefit of Hab, who will never see my room (coz she's too chicken. hahaha). Yeap.



Found this. Ivan and Kejin. Hehe...

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I feel absolutely lousy. Spent the entire morning running to and fro the wet market, the new house and my uncle's place. Like, to and fro. My flu isn't any better. It's at it's worse and I wish that family ties never existed then obligatory tasks wouuldn't be an option. It's annoying really when people insist that you do certain things for them but you get nothing in return. I don't want money, neither do I ask for special treatment. But I am sick. I can barely open my eyes. I have 10 bloody fucking packets of Watsons tissues in my purse, I swear. I had 10 bloody packets. (They ceased within 4 hours) But these people I call family; relatives; blood ties; whatever. They expect my mom, dad and bro to do everything; just because we are nice. Just because they think we have too much time on our hands. Just because my family loves their family. But we have problems of our own. But we have things to settle. But we are all sick too. But we don't have the time right now. But our hands are tied. Oh whatever. I am utterly sick. Not thinking straight at all and these incessant ramblings ain't proving anything.

Nights.

That's about the best I could get of my gurl. She hates it when I capture her face. So yeah. I absolutely love her hair. And she loves it too. Ha.

Was very very sick today. Mom's being a biatch. I hate life.

+

Time with you is good though. Really nice. Hong Kong Hor Fun and Chinese rojak. Yummy. Thanks for making my life more bearable Hab.

+

By the way, thanks Trent for meeting us the other day. Twas nice. You're still as mean as ever. Haha

To think that I will not be able to see you for days... I'd rather stab myself in my heart than to feel the painful longing.

+

No wonder I keep getting headaches these days. Thrice and Lost Prophets blasting into my ears 24/7 must be the culprits. Ayeeeeeeeee

+

Chocolate muffins, calamari, fish thingys frm TANGS, Aunty Anne's, MacDonalds and tonnes of chocolates later, I'm having a sore throat and nose-block. Urgh. I feel absolutely lousy.

+



That's Ele. Hab's childhood toy. Isn't she adorable???



I cooked fish and chips all by myself! And it was delicious to boot. Yaaaaay!
-beams smugly-

(Okay don't burst my bubble by telling me you or your gurlfriend could cook better or something. Let me gloat for a while, aight? Grins)



Check out the number of lighters I owned and got confiscated by my parents. Haha! Add 2 more to my collection coz they're with Hab. Grins.



Check out my new slippers. Heh. Thanks Hab *winks*



Yes I love my job so much that I nearly got my eyes poked whilst wrapping a box. Aiks!



Suhaimi and I :) He's Is's friend. Thank goodness he's nothing like Is.

My goodness the weather is awful. So bloody hot, I can't take it man.

By the way, thanks Gloria for dropping by yesterday!! Heee.... you look awesome babe :)

Like anyways, tomorrow's last day opf work :( So sad...

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The convo that happened yesterday night in the train was unnecessary in my opinion. Sent shivers down my spine and tears that welled up by the kilos while I was lying down on my bed an hour later.

A family, kids and a fortune doesn't mean anything if I don't have you 20 years down the road. Why is it so unbelievable when I say that?

Check out what we saw at SMU yesterday. Hahahaha

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That's before the piercing when my face was pale and I was trembling and poor Hab had to deal with me.



The tattoo artist HP putting a mark on my tummy! (By boobs look huge coz I tucked my tshirt under my bikini bra, not because I have big tits, aight? Duh.)



HP clipping my tummy.



That's how it looks like when it's clipped, so I'll feel numb and the pain of piercing isn't so horrible.



Me and HP!!! The aftermath! It wasn't painful at all! Yay!



Shaz, Trent and I at City Hall. Bumped into them. Heh. Shaz so cute. My navel was bleeding at that time. But still wanna action show piercing. haha



Up close and personal!
.
.
.
.
.
.
But I think Hab's one looks nicer man... -frowns-
And why does mine keeps bleeding when hers bled only once? Mine bled like 5 times by now. Within less than 24hours man -frowns more-

Hab's navel piercing. Woo weeet! Awesome babe. Just get ready to get your fists squeezed to the palest when I get mine pierced later. Heh. Beautiful photo, innit?



Me and my Pinky! He's 19 years old (he's the one with the blue star clinging to his neck). And of course, the neon-pink trucker cap Des bought for me that gave me a heart attack which I'll never wear out, and the CareBear! Yay!



(Clockwise from Top) Ilona and Kamaru, the beautiful couple; Me and Zul who visited yesterday; Me; Kamaru getting comfy with my lipstick and somebody's hat. hahaha

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I love work. My heart will break on Thursday coz it's my last day. I think I'll cry :(

Somebody just changed her blog intro and she had the 'This is what living like this does.' quote included. I'm miffed coz that's the title on my blog; at the top tab, see it? To make it worse, she's not exactly my most favourite person in the world. Sure she hated me like fuck and vice versa but I guess we are older and more matured now. Surprisingly I'm not yelling COPYCAT!!! on her blog. Neither on mine. I'm cool. Just a little miffed. Only for the next 10 seconds then I'll be okay.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay.

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Check out my Care Bear blanket! Yaaaay! My super duper favourite blanket!!



Me and my supervisor Kamaru monkeying around, literally. See the similarities, ladies and gentlemen? Absolutely amazing, innit?



And of course, the light of my life at the moment; dear Hab. Walking away. Oh don't be doing that anytime soon baby or I'll just freak, then you're dead meat -grins sacharinely sweet-

Look at this Hab in the cinema before My Girl. It's the only decent photo I could get of her. I still don't understand why she hates the camera so much... what a bummer.

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The Adventures of Mr Camera in Hab's Hands



Scene 1
In the medievel-themed loo of Sentosa...

Lux : Yay! Take photo with me!
Hab : Yeees...

Aftermath...

Lux : (screeching) You tricked me!! You're not in the photo, like duh!



Scene 2
Trying to edge her in but the attempt was futile.

Lux : Make sure you're in this time arh!
Hab : Yeees... yeees....
Lux : (Giggling foolishly) Yaaaay!!!!



Scene 3
Finally got her into the photo but alas, her face is covered by the cam itself. How clever.

Lux : Honeeeeey... pleaseeeeeee....
Hab : Okaaaaay
Lux : (mustering her bestest weakest smile) Yaaay....

(So like, okay. I'm the worst playwright. Bite me.)

+

I can never understand the hatred she feels for getting her photos taken. Neither will I bother to understand. It's just something incomprehensible to me and from this moment on, my quest in life would be converting her into a camera whore like I am. Grins.

(Check out my new earrings. She bought it for me. Pretty innit? Ok maybe they aren't too clear; shall upload a closer shot tomorrow.)

wee ooo life is gooood.

Habby is so perfect. Can just stare into her pretty pretty round eyes and pretty pretty little nose and pretty pretty small mouth all day long. And those dimples *gushes* And those boobies. Jeez woman! I HATE YOU! GIMME GIMME GIMME!! (I knew all along you had implants when you were 14. tsk tsk tsk. Shame on youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. hahaha)

Was in the car with Dessy and singing our hearts out to Supergrass, Black Eyes Peas and Rancid. Twas goooooood. But honey bunny, please please please don't ever try to make Prodigy, Propellerhead and Sneaker Pimps sound like Red Hot Chilli Pepers/Aerosmith/Guns & Roses. They just don't go, get it? heh. And it doesn't help when all you do is to hum along shrilly to the songs and say 'Hip Hop Hurray!!!' repeatedly. hahaha

Bad day at work man, I'm going to give those shitheads a whole lot of shite coz next week's my last week at work. Hehe... serve them righty-o!

Lovely music. Sigh... Nirvana and The Vines are awesome man.

-stones blissfully-

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Went tanning yesterday with Hab. Ohmygoodness this woman looks fabulous in her A.D.I.D.A.S. bikini to the point that all the men at the bar turned their heads when they saw her, and waved. Can you believe that?? They waved!! Like, all the men at the bar had their eyes superglued to her! Was feeling crappy coz she looks gorgeous -grins guiltily- kidding woman, you know I love you -winks-

After that we watched My Girl, complementary tickets, courtesy of KC :) KC you're a darling. Was such a good movie, so funny and sweet! Everyone should watch it man.

Met bro at Clementi to settle his school stuff and spent 1.5 hours bargaining with the principal while poor Hab sat in the night light for 90 minutes. Sorry dear... chicken chop dinner was good. Spending 13 hours with her must be the best 13 hours of my life for eer... this year. hahaha

Don't forget the Sentosa shower and the movie theatre darling -winks-

PS : She says A.D.I.D.A.S. means All Day I Dream About Siti. Aww.... isn't that sweet? Plus, A.D.I.D.A.S. is her all-time favourite brand. gringringrin.

Was feeling woozy at Esplanade just now with Hab. This is what happens. Grins. Check out my sad-face tummy duuude! Hab was camera shy as always, so being the camera whore that I am, I let her do all the snapping she wants and I just lie down there stoning while tourists walk by trying hard not to stare.

Twas fun.

These are the stuff on her wall that she drew using chalk. Cool, innit?



Went out with the boys after work. Check out silly Colin and dear Dessy driving ;)

These were what we drew on Hab's walls today. She spray painted her walls the colour of a chalkboard so we could doodle her walls with those giant chalks from Toys R Us. So fun!!!!!!!!!!

Hab and I getting crappy at that Merlion place thingy. Hehe...



Found these gems of aviator shades in my grandma's cupboard. I think they're cool. On loan with Dayak now though... sigh... sorry if I look all emo and pretencious. Was trying to capture the mood of meeting-Hab-45minutes-late lah... grins.



Talk about going picture-crazy man. Photos of friends and colleagues. Yeap. The pretty gurl in the right hand corner's Ilona. She's attached to the fella making monkey faces with me, he's Kamaru, my supervisor. And the one sitting in the box is Dayak. The Chinese gurl is HuiFang, the other cashier... you know which one is Flo and Faezan. So yeah, there you go :)