I'm listening to Penfold and it's just so hard to fight back these tears. Oh man can somebody stop the heartbreak please.

Went to buy like ten million make up stuff at Body Shop with Hab . Spent $60 on stupid make up but thanks to Lawrence darling, I paid only $30. 50% off everything! Tee hee! And he gave me this free semi-makeover thats like awesome! My eyes look soooo sexy now. Too bad I'm holed-up at home.

So anyways I spent like $3 on some designer japanese vinegar from Carrefour PS only to discover it contains alcohol and sakae. My mom would kill me if she finds out! Frets. I could've bought from the nyonya downstairs for 80cents and it's totally harmless man. Waste my money... Curses.

Also discovered that the alcohol at Carrefour PS is soooo much cheaper. Jasons sell Bacardi Peach for like $5.75 but Carrefour sells for $4.50. Jasons sell this pretty pretty flavoured chardonnays for $16.95 but Carrefour sells for $13.95. So tell me how to resist?? Looks like this Sunday I'm going to be pretty tipsy. Grins.

Oh! I forgot to write about Saturday night. It was awesome!!!!!!!

Well we went all the way down to town at night despite the maddening crowd to watch Scorpion perform with her band, Karma Tree. Only to discover the poor chick got kicked out of her band like, hours before the gig.

So I was extremely miffed and Trent was PMS-ing and Rai was just plain not-nice and Scorpion was annoyed and Esther was sick and moody and Hab was being really tolerant towards us wet blankets. She was like the sunshine amongst us thundering clouds.

We split from the moody gang and met Aidah (which Hab and I have been doing like 4 times a week to torment Aidah at her workplace. hahaha) and roamed Jasons Supermarket. Hab educated me more pertaining the differences between wine, champage, chardonnay, rum, beer, etc etc etc. Twas fun!

I'm having a toothache coz I've been a naughty gurl by eating ice-cream, chocolates and drinking green tea non-stop. Aaargh... pain =(

+

Sometimes people say things they don't mean. This happens to me lots of times so it's not sometimes anymore, it's totally absolutely seriously everytime. I am sorry.

You know when you get that gut feeling that a particular person have got to be your soulmate? Like, you can just imagine yourself spending eternity with that person (TP)?
And then you realize that there's no way you can be with TP forever because of certain issues. Say; religion, sexuality, status, rules. The likes.
So reality bites but you want to be stubborn and follow your heart. Whoever came up with that follow your heart crap obviously didn't know the meaning of the word consequences.
Fuck man in this era following your heart will only lead to misery and discrimination. Reality bites. It always fucking bites.
The power of fate and God is so much stronger than my heart, so am I to accept being a puppet? I don't condone many many issues for I am a liberal person. As liberal as you want me to be.
Yet I am terrified of being shunned by society for I am; a whore for society and its perks. (Forgive my crude language, it was bestowed upon me since I discovered the word fuck, so bear with me).
Am I giving up things/people I love because society won't tolerate it? Am I succumbing to the drowning pool of becoming just another one of them so I can lead a more comfortable life?
I don't know.
I would really love to follow my heart and live feeling satisfied with myself; but really; the consequences are just too much for me to handle.
As much as Singapore loves to believe that she is becoming modern and open, she isn't. People change but perceptions don't.

If we are so modern, why do people stare at homosexual couples in disapproval all the time?
Aren't we supposed to be open?
If we are so modern, why do people still look down on the minority races?
Aren't we supposed to be equals?
If we are so modern, why do people assume smokers, drinkers, pierced and tattooed people are bad and havoc?
Aren't we supposed to be liberated?
If we are so modern, why do people plaster an aura of stigma upon an atheist?
They are not necessarily worshippers of the Devil you know.

So I might be writing in circles and you might be going what the fuck did she just babbled about but hey, if you know me, you'd know the baffling issues I'm facing.

+

Can someone be in love with 2 completely different people at the same time?

My verdict? No.

So where does that put me now?

I wrote a letter
To forget her
Forever.
Could be the weather
Or just better
Forever.
I'm still the liar
For desire,
I'm on fire.
You're still the only
One for me.
Can't you see.
Say that you would
Do what you could.
Say you miss, having me to push around.
Say you wish, that you'd put me in the ground.
You're never happy with anything I do.
I wrote a letter
To forget her
Forever.

+

So I have small tits. Not as big as yours anyways. So no need to be reminding me over and over again, yes?

If you've told me you were having a bad day, I would've been kind to you. I totally understand coz I am a human with a heart. As I said a million times before, I am not an evil scheming vicious bastard. And you. You of all people should know that.

I know I was pretty nasty to you but only because you were snappish and insulting. Yeah you're very understanding whenever I'm having a bad day. Because I tell you in advance and I whine about my luck, but I don't insult you. So please forgive me for not being understanding because if you've opened your mouth to tell me, I wouldn't have reacted that way.

By the way, I do not appreciate threats. You say 'Don't make me do or say things that will be regretted later'. Well I can say the same to you, can I? Haven't you thought about that? But I don't because I know how precious you are to me. So don't ever threaten me again because listen, I can do the same to you.
In a snap of the fingers.

You know perfectly well I'll come running back to you no matter what. You know I'll chase you til your deathbed. But don't make use of that fact to bully me.

I'm truly sorry I was nasty just now but things could've been better if you had just told me what's bothering you.

Still, I love you just as much. May our friendship last with lesser bumps like todays'.

Meeting went well. My brother's friend is this super cute Eurasian-ish 17 year old with rosy cheeks that made me blush when he smiled at me to shake hands and introduce himself as Matt. Thing is he's small, like me, with fair skin and buck teeth. But there's this certain charm. So cute!

But nothing beats Dessy's perfect skin and sweet smile =)

+

Sorry Dessy honey, didn't mean to offend you.

+

It doesn't mean that just because I paid for half of your cigarettes you mean something to me.
It doesn't mean that just because I met you for a few minutes to have a chat you mean something to me.
It doesn't mean that just because I kid around with you means you mean something to me.

Your significance is just as important as the dirt I wash off everyday. I.E. you are worthless to me.

What makes you think I want it too? You must be stuck in your own goddamn fucked world to think that you're such a stud. Hello? Have you looked at yourself lately? You're not the studmuffin you were 5 years ago. And your gurlfriend? Oh she's probably blinded under your spell.

Do not disgust me by 'offering' me a chance of a lifetime.
Do not annoy me by calling and messaging me everyday.
Do not give me goosebumps whenever you describe what you want to do.
Need to do actually.

It's not my fucking problem if you are deprived neither it is your gurlfriend's fault. If you've realized by now, you're not exactly everyone's favourite person.

What gave you the right to say such things? What, do I look like a free-for-all chick to you? Jokes are jokes. You have got to draw the line somewhere dude. Reality versus fantasy are entirely different issues. It is not my duty to please you. No means no.

Do you realize the trauma you've caused me?
Do you realize the fear that boils whenever I reach near my estate?
Do you realize the disgust I feel for men all of a sudden?
You've just ruined everything dude.
My boyfriend should kill you.

There I was sobbing my eyes out in Hab's trembling arms and you were happily fantasizing things you shouldn't be fantasizing about. You sick, sick bastard.

You violated my trust and I am going to get my revenge.

Great day out with Hab. Bought a new Stussy top. Yaaaay!

The Great Singapore Sale (GSS) doesn't seem to be so great afterall. I mean, it's supposed to be a mega sale. But what with the so-called 50% discounts, the prices are still ridiculously high. Who the fuck would want to pay for a $75 GUESS? top which you can probably get something similar for $10 at This Fashion? The on-sale items look so sleazy and awful, I seriously won't even fork out $10 for something that awful and obiang. I know MANGO and ZARA's starting their sale in a weeks' time so I shall just save the rest of my money to splurge later.

Boys. Men. Thay are all the same. Tsk.

+

While I lay down there in the darkness sobbing my eyes out, you thought I looked funny with my crumpled face and upside-down-smile lips. You tried so hard not to laugh while trying to make out my incessant ramblings through sobs. I'm sorry the day was ruined because of some bastard who bugged me for a BJ. I shouldn't have burst out like that and I shouldn't have put you in a tight spot. I'm so sorry. I promise to make it up to you okay?

(But only after you apologize for saying I look like a drag queen when I have eyeliner on! Hmph!)

+

So okay I found out via yahoo that Fantasia won the AMI. Sorry to burst your bubbles peeps, before you guys could even watch it on TCS5 tonight. Tee hee...

I love Fantasia. She deserevs to win man. America, you finally get justice done man. You go gurl!
-in that motherly Anita Sarawak voice-

Anyhooooos, bought me the drawstring black pants I've always wanted but couldn't fit into every single damn time I try them coz my tummy's too big.
(Usually drawstring pants are free-size and they always cater to the small-bodied homosapiens of Singapore).
But this one's expensive coz it's got a size to it. $40 just for something I could've easily sewn if I had a machine and cloth. Heh. And I fit into like, the largest size, a size 28. Like, fuck. Am I that fat now?? Tsk... what a heartbreak man.

So I'm heading down to town today with Hab to shop even more and I'm looking forward to the gig at Cine on Saturday night coz Scorpion's performing :) Yay!

Hmm... The next 3 weeks is going to be extremely hectic...

27th May - Shopping with Hab.
28th May - Meeting with Maguire. Dinner with Des and his boys.
29th May - Scorp's gig. Zircon Pawn Starz at Esplanade.
5th June - Family Day @ Big Splash with Maguire.
18th June - Ballet Under The Stars @ Fort Canning with Hab.
19th June - Gig @ Fort Canning feat Harakiri.
20th June - Family day @ Sentosa with Maguire.

That isn't even counting the days in between whereby I suddenly have the urge to go out and shop; or meet my boyfriend; or meet my friends; or go back to Towers. Daddy's gonna kill me man...

Ooooo I'm sooo looking forward to Ballet Under The Stars. Like, this would be the 4th year running I'll be attending the June edition! Yay! Champagne and pasta under the pretty dusky night sky would be absolutely fabulous. I can just feel it =)

Check this out. Aren't they adorable??



It's been exactly a month since I last posted something. Oh gosh I miss the net so much -sniffsniff-

Anyhoos, kudos to darling Dessy. He cured my PC for me. Tee hee... okok, he and his friend. Gotta give the other dude credit too man... thanks so so much for helping me out. Thank goodness I don't have to call up HP and pay $68 for their trip here and an extra $48 per hour if they need to stay for long -phew-

Condolences to Hab coz Bibbit's awfully sick. I'm sorry I can't be there for you when you're so down in the dumps. I hope Bibbit will heal and be the cute fatty bom-bom that she initially was =)

Lots have been happening in this past month.

Finally I meet Dessy's new bandmate Eizhar :) and well, I absolutely love NOOB. No, not because my boyfriend's in it, but because they play seriously brilliant music. Plus the dudes are awesome. Going out with them can give you permanent stitches in your tummy man. I swear! Especially Gene. He's like, the funniest dude I've ever known! I shall never, ever forget his bapok-rendition of 'Suck suck... Blow blow... Cheeeeap, cheeeeap...' with that nasal aqua voice. Hahaha! It's his speciality I tell you.

Hmm... what else... took up painting a few weeks back and oh my goodness! It's one helluva expensive hobby man!

1 tube of paint costs $4
1 A4 size canvas costs $2.50
1 paintbrush is like, $4

And I need at least 5 tubes of paint, 2 pieces of canvas and 3 brushes! So go on! Go on! Do the math dude! Wtf???

For fucks sakes, do I have to go bankrupt just to pursue a passionate hobby?

Okie dokie 'nuff of cursing. Just being extremely suaku and excited now that I have my net back.

Right now I'm trying to sell off my 6 pairs of LEVIS. Anyone want to buy? I've grown too tubby to fit into any of them so yeah, leave me a message on my mobile. Some are a size 27, others are a size 26. LEVIS 599, 577, 553 and Type 1 Lot 925 are available. Selling between $50-$70 each, depending on the model. If you buy the dark ones, they're $50 but if you buy the faded-washed ones they're $70. Pleaseeeee buy them coz it breaks my heart to stare at them everyday knowing I can't fit into them. I can if I wear a corset and break my nails in a bid to button them up, and finally fitting into them; only not being able to pee the entire day when I'm out or else I have to go thru the ordeal of having to button them up all over again.

So after that mouthful of a sentence, please spare my integrity and sanity and just buy them. C'mon, they're bloody cheap man! And pretty good condition since I love my LEVIS to death... well everybody does actually considering the amount you pay for them. Heh.

Going shopping with Mom now coz Dad gave me $200 to spend during this Great Singapore Sale season. Woopdeedoo!

Tata!

PS: Hilary Duff is sooo pwetty! I so so so adore her!
(No I didn't say I adore her music or acting, I just said I adore her, her pwettiness =) )