Suppressed feelings aside, I'm doing good. At least better than yesterday morning.

Have yet to learn not to trust any tom pussy and harry. Yes you know I'm talking about you. I don't know why I have the tendency to blurt out everything when I'm around you but it sucks coz I regret doing so the minute you turn hostile. Don't ever threaten me because what you do to me I'll give it back to you three times worse, biatch.

Love is such a pain in the goddamn ass. Confusion, loyalty, obligations and of course, always having to do the right thing. I don't understand why I can't ever have it easy when it comes to love, it's always so complicated you know?

But.
But...

I'll always love you.

Does that answer your question and insecurities?

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Wish I was in Lisa's shoes. Always gets what she wants, desires, needs.

Wish I was in Sri's shoes. Got a much better job than I do and well, she deserves it. I guess.

Fuck it lar. Why bother so much and why try so hard when everything's not going to turn out my way anyways? Yu over there and her over here and him somewhere around, always always always the wedgie in my panties. ie. irritant.

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I keep on laughing, hiding the tears in my eyes.
The Cure

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Did a crazy thing today. Got my nose pierced with Hab. Hahaha. Hurts for a good half hour boy. The minute the thing went thru, tears welled up in my eyes. Good God pain never felt and looked so good. Perhaps should get another piercing soon.

Gone now.

It's 3 hours after the last entry.

All's good now.

So much for the bravado huh.

Ptui.

=)

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Whoever said love was an easy thing?

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That's us on Wednesday night before heading down to Momo then Chinablack with Rishi and Ify. Us gurls had Flaming Lamboughini (Is that how you spell it??) thanks to Rishi (thanks darling =) ) and way way way too much tequila lime and vodka sprites and danced the night away at Chinablack til 5 in the morning coz Momo was boring... We did this chicken dance thingy that was Lisa's signature dance and it was hilarious!! Dancing with you was a good experience... totally addictive. Tipsy and tripping and smashed. Felt good. No worries in mind, no hesitations to do anything that I wanted to. No boundaries.

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Please believe I never wanted this
I thought this time I'd keep all of my promises
I thought you were the boy I always dreamed about
But I let the dream go
And the promises broke
And the make-believe ran out...

So please
It doesn't matter what you say
I just can't stay here every yesterday
Like keep on acting out the same
The way we act out
Every way to smile
Forget
And make-believe we never needed
Any more than this

And every time I try to pick it up
Like falling sand
As fast as I pick it up
It runs away through my clutching hands
But there's nothing else I can really do
There's nothing else
I can really do
At all...

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There is no-one left in the world
That I can hold onto
There is really no-one left at all
There is only you
And if you leave me now
You leave all that we were
Undone
There is really no-one left
You are the only one

And still the hardest part for you
To put your trust in me
I love you more than I can say
Why won't you just believe?

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What makes you think that the hugs and kisses will save your ass from my anger? I waited for you, I did and I still do but saying I love you won't solve anything... Do you really? Do you know how much that means to me? Don't say it just so that you can do me. There's not much that I'll do to show you what anger and disappointment I feel inside. For the simple reason that I don't want to freak you out and thus you running away from me. If only you have an idea of how much I sacrifice for you. If only you know how much I threw away and risked just to see you, be with you, spend my nights with you. If only you knew.

Never never change coz I love you just the way you are but sometimes you have to stop the lying and for once, think about how I feel to be in this position that I'm in.

What do you take me for? I'm not stupid child. I can tell when you're lying and I don't need my friends to remind me of it either. It's such a goddamn slap in the face.

My dignity; my humility; my face-value.

It has all gone down the drain.

My pwetty party gurlies =)

Wed nite's Momo was cool. Sri was trippin drunk for the first time. Hahaha. For the first time ever, I was the one doing the taking-care-of-my-friend thingy. Feels good, feels kinda like being an adult. Hahaha.

Thur nite's DblO was super fucking terribly awesome. Rishi and some nigga fetched us from town so we had a nice grand entrace to DblO in a car. As night turn to wee hours of the morning, Ify, hamdan, alan, Mamat and all their friends turned up. Rishi made sure our table was filled with jugs and Jim Beams and the Jim Beam gurls were cute! It's nice to go to a club and see so many familiar faces and being treated like VIPs... Drinks on the house man!! Crazy night... too much tequila and too much dancing with the different batches of friends... Will upload photos when Lisa's cam's recharged.

Waiting for the gurls now to go to Atan's chalet. I bought the boys Baileys, Absolut and Jim Beam. It actually costs $180 plus plus total but what the hey, I got it for FREE instead. Bwarhahahahaha. (Don't ask how I got it all for free. i ain't telling! Shhhh)

Drinks and silly boys sounds like a good combo, innit?